Offensive Spy
by Michael McDoesn'texist
Summary: BLU Spy is about to make the lives of his teammates rather difficult. Will the other members of the BLU team be able to keep everything PC? Or will they turn to the Dark Side as well?


Over at 2Fort, the BLU Spy kicked open the door, scaring the living shit out of his teammates.

"Gentlemen, I have come to say the N-word!" He exclaimed.

"NO SPY DON'T DO IT! YOU CAN'T SAY THE N-WORD!" Scout yelled.

"He's right mate!" Sniper said. "Only Demo can say that!"

But then Spy shot Sniper, cleared his throat and said:

"NI-"

 ***BANG***

Everybody jumped as they watched Spy's lifeless (and headless) corpse fall to the ground.

Soldier was standing in the middle of the room, a shotgun in his hands, with smoke coming out of the barrel.

"Don't worry maggots! He can't say anything now, the stupid, French NI-"

 ***BANG***

Soldier's organs splattered against the wall as his body fell over Spy's corpse. Scout was holding his scattergun in front of him.

"There ya go tough guy! Whatcha gonna do now huh, ya stupid NI-"

 ***SPLAT***

Medic pulled his bone saw out of Scout's chest, after which Boston Boy toppled over Soldier's body which was on top of Spy's corpse.

"Oops! Zhat vas not medicine!" He said.

Then, Engineer walked in. "Howdy fellas, how are y'all doing today?" He stopped when he saw Scout's stiff toppled over Soldier's body which was on top of Spy's corpse.

"What in the name of... MEDIC!" He yelled and pulled out his pistol.

"That boy there still owed me 20 dollars! Now how am I going to get that back?"

"But, he vas trying to say NI-" the Medic started before Engineer emptied an entire magazine into his head.

"And don't you try and say the N-word to me buddy!" Engineer said as Medic's cadaver fell on Scout's stiff which was toppled over Soldier's body which was on top of Spy's corpse.

"MEDIC!" Heavy yelled and he jumped up from the bench he was sitting on.

"YOU KILLED DOCTOR! NOW HEAVY KILL TINY ENGIMAN!" He roared.

"Now hold on son, I just explained to him that he can't just say somethin' like NI-" Engineer started, but Heavy picked him up with his ginormous hands and bent Engineer over the bench. Then, he shoved his minigun up Engi's bottom and unloaded about 5 million dollars' worth of ammo into Engineer, before throwing his carcass on top of Medic's cadaver which was on top of Scout's stiff which was toppled over Soldier's body which was on top of Spy's corpse.

He then left to make a sandvich.

Demo meanwhile had been fast asleep, but the sound of Heavy smacking the door shut startled him awake.

"Oi, would yer mind keepin' it down lads?" Demoman asked.

His eye shot open however once he saw the pile of dead people in the middle of the room, along with Sniper who was somewhere in the corner, also dead.

"BLOODEH HELL! WHAT JUST HAPP'NED?" He yelled, and he jumped up from the bench.

Then, Heavy walked back in, while munching on a sandvich, along with Pyro.

"Heavy found fiery man on his way back. I thought he could help clean up teeny tiny little NI-"

Before he could finish, Demoman launched a grenade into his face, destroying the Heavy right then and there. All the little pieces scattered around the room, leaving only Pyro and Demo.

"Well, looks like we're the only ones now laddeh!" Demo said.

" _Mmph hudda hudda hudda!_ " Pyro muffled.

"AUGH! DID YOU JUST BLOODEH SAY THE N-WORD? I WILL KILL YA FER THAT YA LITTLE FIREBUG!" Demo exclaimed.

He grabbed his grenade launcher again and fired, but Pyro skilfully dodged the pills and shot a flare in Demo's direction. He missed the cyclops by just an inch and Demo pulled out his Eyelander.

"LET'S SETTLE THIS LIKE REAL MEN!" He roared, and Pyro resolutely grabbed his Fire Axe.

"CHAAAAAAAAARGE!" Demo yelled.

" _MMPHHURRAAAAAH!_ " Pyro exclaimed, and they ran into each other, sword and axe swinging. They clashed in the middle of the room, Demo using all of his weight to force Pyro on the ground. But the masked maniac stood his ground and he pushed Demo off him before pulling out his flamethrower.

" _MMPHHURRURRUH!_ " He yelled, and he charged at Demo, whilst unleashing the flames.

Demo rolled aside quickly and regained his posture. He grabbed a shield and ran into Pyro, knocking him to the ground. Then, he switched to his stickybomb launcher and fired at Pyro. A sticky got stuck on Pyro's head, obscuring his right eye. In a fit of panic, Pyro tried to get it off, but to no avail.

Demo then filled the entire room with stickies, just to be sure nothing survived. He started laughing and slowly walked towards Pyro, who was now cornered and surrounded by stickies.

" _MMPH! MM-MPHURRY!_ " Pyro muttered.

"It's too late fer sorry now laddeh!" He said as he took a large gulp of his liquor.

"I will see ya back in hell ya tiny, little, insignificant, stupid, vomit-inducin' NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIncompoop."

And then he blew up the entire map, including his own base and RED team's base.

* * *

 **Remember kids, saying the N-Word is not nice and if you ever hear anyone say that word, you have my personal permission to rape and kill them on the spot. If the police starts asking questions, tell them to call me, and I'll explain everything. Thank you for taking your time to read this PSA.**


End file.
